


Ten years for a second chance

by itzteegan



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Mutual Pining, Not Canon Compliant, Penis In Vagina Sex, Pining, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Second Chances, Sex, Shameless Smut, Waiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-06-02 10:32:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19439659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itzteegan/pseuds/itzteegan
Summary: Warden-Commander Amell approaches the Inquisition post-Adamant to offer what information and help she has acquired as of late. She didn't expect the Commander to be someone so familiar to her, but after ten years of questions and longing, she's willing to throw caution to the wind and take that second chance.





	Ten years for a second chance

**Author's Note:**

> So, ever since I played through Origins with a female mage and witnessed *that cutscene*, my personal headcanon has been that if the Warden never romanced anyone, she would eventually end up back with Cullen. And so, with a little help from canon divergence, here we are!

The towers of Skyhold jutted sharply up against the sky, throwing shadows in the waning sun. Peeking out from under my hood, I approached the gate, hoping I wouldn't be given too much trouble getting in. Of course, the fact that I was known as the Hero of Ferelden meant that I shouldn't be waylaid too much, but I didn't like to really pull that particular card if I didn't have to. If anything, I tended to reveal I was a Grey Warden first, Hero of Ferelden second. It was just the doting that I didn't care for that came along with the territory of saving the world. Not that it could really be helped, that was just the way it was. And it was why I kept to myself these days, burying myself in work with the Grey Wardens.

Well, until fairly recently. But that was a whole other thing entirely.

As expected, when I drew near, the guards stopped me. It was good that they didn't just let anyone enter the stronghold, but I hoped I wouldn't be waylaid too long. "State your business," he demanded, hand on his weapon.

I dropped the hood to show I was friendly. "I'm Warden-Commander Amell, here to speak with the Inquisitor."

"Warden-Commander ..." he began, trailing off as his eyes widened. He didn't say it, but the way he motioned to his associates to open the gate said it all. He recognised me. "The Inquisitor is out on a mission at the moment, though they're due back within a few days. But if you don't want to wait, Sister Leliana and Commander Rutherford is available."

That last name struck me as intimately familiar, and I had to confirm. "Rutherford? Cullen Rutherford?"

He nodded. "Yes, former Knight-Commander of Kirkwall. You know him?"

A smile tugged the very edge of my lips. "We've met."

That, of course, was an understatement. He had been a fresh-faced, young templar in the Circle at Lake Calenhad, the one that I was taken to and raised in. I had been there far longer than he had been, but we were both young and reasonably attractive and though nothing had happened, the sideways glances we'd thrown at each other had hinted at some sort of desire. He had even been selected to help oversee my Harrowing, and that had left me even more determined to succeed. Of course, becoming an abomination was a fate that no mage wanted, but knowing that that sweet young man would have to be the one to cut me down should that happen ... well, I wanted to do whatever I could to prevent that. I wouldn't be able to spare him from wetting his blade forever, but if I could have delayed the inevitable a little longer, that was good enough for me. Fate, however, had other plans, as my Circle was taken over from the inside and systematically destroyed by Uldred. How long and what exactly poor Cullen had suffered, I still didn't know, but his reaction upon seeing me as I rescued him had stuck with me over the past ten years.

Ten years? Had it really been that long already? As the gate raised and I stepped through it, I contemplated the events that had happened since the Fifth Blight. I'd stayed on with the Grey Wardens, of course, and Cullen had somehow made his way up to Kirkwall and that shitestorm. I'd only heard bits and pieces, but it seemed that his troubles hadn't been left at Kinloch. We had been so young when last we'd seen each other, just starting to come of age and figure out our places in the world. Now we were both encroaching on our thirties, weathered and world-weary, and I wondered how he might take a reunion. I contemplated if I should seek him out or Leliana, for while I knew the latter well, having traveled with her fairly extensively during the Blight, I desired to see Cullen regardless, now that I knew he was here.

As it turned out, I didn't have to choose, as it seemed they were already in a meeting together. It only took a runner a moment to check in to see if they would be amenable to meet with me, and I was being ushered into the main citadel of Skyhold and directed through corridors until I was eventually shown to the room they occupied. They both looked up in unison as I entered, and Leliana couldn't help the small smile. While she kept up the air of propriety in front of the runner who had escorted me, as soon as the door closed, she dropped the front. "Sofie! You should have told me you were coming here."

I chuckled. "I'm surprised your agents didn't alert you."

She waved off the suggestion. "With you? They've been keeping an eye out, but with everything I taught you, I thought it a fool's errand to even try to actually track you down." I inclined my head to concede the point, and she went on with introductions. "I'm not sure if you remember Cullen, but he was at Kinloch at the same time you were ..."

Nodding, I confirmed, "I do." Turning to the apparently former templar, I told him, "It's good to see you, Cullen. I was hoping that, after the disaster at Kinloch, life would treat you better." Smiling sadly, I added, "Though from what I heard, that didn't quite happen."

I hoped I hadn't gotten too personal too quickly, but if I did, he didn't show any signs of being offended or uncomfortable. He casually settled his hand on the hilt of his sword as he noted, "It may not have all been pleasant, but it's all lead to here, to my position as Commander of the Inquisition's forces. And I wouldn't change that for anything."

Leliana was especially interested in where I had been and what I had been doing, but I refrained from oversharing for the moment. They had enough concerns as it was, they didn't need my issues clouding their minds. They did give me a rundown on recent events, and after hearing about what happened at Adamant, I was infinitely glad that I'd had Alistair made King of Ferelden so he was left out of everything Warden-Commander Clarel had done. As it was, we'd lost many good Wardens, Stroud included, though I couldn't say I knew him more than in passing. Still, he was a brother of mine, and as we concluded our meeting – with the intention of reconvening once the Inquisitor returned – I found myself wanting to honour him and all the fallen Wardens in some way. I glanced toward the tavern that had been pointed out to me, and I considered having a drink in their name, but with the time of day, it was likely packed already. And word would probably spread quickly if I showed my face, and I had no real desire at the moment to endure all the well-wishers, as good intended as they may be.

Cullen appeared at my side, hand on his hilt again, and he asked, "Herald's Rest has decent drink, if that's what you're interested in."

Sighing, I admitted, "I was thinking of having a drink or two in the name of my fallen brothers and sisters, but ..." I shot him a small grin, "I'm afraid it would quickly get too crowded, should I show up there."

He picked up my implication immediately, and offered, "Well, if you don't mind my company, I have some brandy of my own in my private quarters."

I raised an eyebrow ever so slightly, wondering if he was really suggesting what I was thinking he was suggesting or if it was just an innocent invitation. "I wouldn't want to impose ..."

Cullen waved off my concern, a soft smile tugging at his lips. "I would be honoured to drink to your friends, if you'd allow."

And so I found myself in the Commander's quarters, leaning my staff against the wall as he fetched the brandy and a couple of cups for us to drink. After pouring us each a healthy portion, he handed me the glass and I raised mine. "To Ser Stroud. I didn't know him well, but he was my brother nonetheless. May his sacrifice not be in vain." At that, we both drank, and then toasted to more of our fallen comrades, both named and unknown. It was a disconcerting amount, stretching back over the last ten years, and it was in that time that our ages really showed. It wasn't in the scars we bore – though that one over his lip was one I hadn't seen – nor in the ailments that plagued us, old injuries that were starting to catch up to us or new ones we couldn't shake as well as we used to. No, for us, the years showed in the events we survived, in the comrades we lost, in the memories we swam through, both good and bad.

It was in one of those pauses, that I felt the need to say something about Kinloch. "I just want you to know that ... I'm sorry for what happened at the Circle. Perhaps, if Duncan hadn't recruited me, if I'd stayed there, I could have helped fight back before they got to you. I ..." licking my lips, I looked away, "... I didn't want anything like that to happen to you."

Cullen didn't seem to want to hear it. "No. Your place was with the Wardens. You were meant to do what you did, to kill the Archdemon and end the Blight. Besides, if you had been there, they would have tried to turn you into an Abomination as well, and that ... that I don't think I could have lived rightly with." Swirling the little bit of liquid left in his glass, he admitted, "Truly, the one thing that brought me comfort in those days was knowing that you weren't there, that you were safe with the Wardens."

Of course, he couldn't have known until later what had happened at Ostagar. But I supposed that, if he found comfort in that in the moment, then that was all that mattered. That also brought up another point, something I had been wanting to ask him about for years but had never had the chance to. When I'd found him and he'd seen me, he'd thought I was an illusion and he had started to ramble about me, about what he'd felt about me. I had suspected it, of course, because of the way he looked at me in passing in the hallway, the way he stuttered when we spoke. To hear it confirmed, however, and in such a heart-breaking way besides ... well, he wasn't the only one to leave Kinloch a little more broken, even if my case wasn’t nearly as severe as his.

With the passage of time, however, the shock of the trauma began to fall away, and in its place was curiousity. Realising that this was my best chance, I finished off the glass that I had – my second of the night – and threw caution to the wind as I began, "I hope I'm not treading on unwanted territory, but I'd wanted to ask you something for years."

Nodding, he finished off his own drink, gesturing for me to continue.

Swallowing hard, I asked, "Did you really feel that deeply for me? Or was it just some passing fancy that they preyed on?"

Cullen set the glass down on the small table behind him, and while he no longer spoke with a slight stutter as he used to, there was still a little hesitation in his words, like he was carefully weighing each one before they left his lips. "At the time, I'm not sure. I was so young and naive, I doubt I could have told the difference. And, of course, the nature of our working relationship meant I couldn't truly examine and process it, I had to deny it and shove it aside. Looking back ..." he looked directly in my eyes, as if trying to convey the sincerity of his words, "... I think, even if the feelings themselves didn't run that deep, that it was a start, a spark of something _real_ that I felt. And perhaps that was why it scared me as a young templar, to feel that kind of way about someone who was supposed to be one of my charges."

I felt like I could barely breathe as feelings that I'd thought long-buried started bubbling to the surface. Suddenly, I didn't feel like the Warden-Commander anymore, and instead I felt the years fall away until I was back in the Circle as a wide-eyed apprentice, young and wanting something that I knew I couldn't have. Except now ... now I potentially could. Screwing up my courage, I asked, my voice low, "And what about now?"

He stepped closer to me, his eyes never leaving mine as he admitted, that slight stutter coming back for just the barest second, "I-I don't know about you, but it hasn't changed for me."

Just pulling air into my lungs seemed like a struggle as a whole new world of possibilities suddenly opened up in front of me. And if I could slay an Archdemon, I was damn sure going to take my chance and leap at this. My voice was practically a whisper as I admitted, "It hasn't for me, either."

The barriers that had been placed between us ten years ago, that prevented us from acting on youthful infatuation, those were all gone now. And with their disappearance, both of us seemed eager to act on that freedom. Before I could even quite get a handle on what was happening, Cullen's head dipped toward me and his lips devoured my own. There was no questioning, no hesitancy, and as I got caught up in the moment, I dropped the glass I was holding. Neither of us seemed to actually notice the crack of it shattering as it hit the floor. Instead, we were both wrapped up in each other, in the kiss and the validation that we had been long denied that we finally gave into.

At first, we just clung tightly to each other, as if we couldn't believe it was really happening, that we were both here and we both still felt the same way. That spark soon turned into a flame and then a roaring fire as we started tugging on each other's clothes, wanting and needing more. We parted only briefly, just long enough to undo any straps or pieces of clothing that would prove too difficult otherwise before Cullen backed us up toward his bed. As my legs hit the edge, I sat down, my fingers curling in Cullen's undershirt and pulling him down with me. Looming over me, his hand cupped my face as he took a moment to ask, "Is this ... is this alright? Is this too fast?"

Looking him square in the eye, I said firmly, "Cullen, I wanted to do this ten years ago. I think we're well overdue."

With that, he seemed satisfied, and he lowered himself for another kiss as his fingers drifted underneath my own undershirt. After some pulling and tugging, we were both left in our smalls, but not for long. Our hands and lips roamed, exploring each other, finding places that made us melt further into each other. I found a spot right under Cullen's ear that would make him gasp and likewise he discovered that his teeth across the nape of my neck made me shudder. His hands gripped my hips and he gently, slowly adjusted our bodies until his hardness was brushing against me and I felt like begging wasn't quite beneath a Warden-Commander. Before I could get the words out, however, he flexed his hips and started to push into me, and my head fell back on the bed as my brain tried to process that, _Yes, this is real, this is happening, finally, it's happening._

Our lips connected at the same moment as our hips did, and the kiss was deep and passionate as we both poured ten years of longing into it. My hair was falling out of my bun and probably looked just as mussed as Cullen's, but all I cared about in that moment was the feel of his lips, the movement of his hips, and his hands that grasped and roamed as they wanted. At first, they settled at my waist as he tested his movements, cautious at first, but as his hips snapped forward harder and his pace increased, they wandered up to cup my breasts before his lowered his head to suck on one of them. I arched my back as I cried out, lost in a haze that not even the Calling could have penetrated. My fingers dug into his shoulders, my short nails leaving little half-moon imprints in their wake as I wrapped one of my legs around his waist, bidding him to move faster, deeper as my own hips involuntarily bucked against him. It was good – _so good_ – but I felt like I was starting to reach a plateau and I didn't want that frustration to hold me back from that pleasurable peak.

Straightening my one leg, I used what strength and momentum I had to push against him all at once. It caught him off guard and I followed through with the motion, smoothly transitioning us to where I was on top. Rolling my hips, I didn't miss a beat, and after he adjusted, he met my rhythm. I reached between us to add to the sensation and ... _Yes, right there._ That plateau was passing by, building upwards once more. My one free hand clenched at the blanket as I leaned over, planting kisses along Cullen's jawline before I gently kissed the scar above his lip. His head shifted, his lips plying mine, opening them so that his tongue could have free reign. And I let him, giving into him, giving him everything I had as we rocked in tandem, seeking both each other's pleasure and our own. His heated skin against mine made me feel like I was in the middle of a raging inferno, but it was one I would happily dive back into, even with the way sweat dripped down my forehead and into my eyes.

I gasped and broke the kiss as I teetered right at the edge, and with the way he brokenly whispered, "Sofie ..." That was it. I came undone, my forehead pressing against his, my eyes squeezed shut as I shuddered and my inner muscles clenched around the length inside me. Cullen groaned, never stopping as he rode out my orgasm, finding his own completion within minutes of my own.

Cullen wrapped his arms around me as I collapsed against his chest, our breaths thundering through us as we tried to pull more and more air into our lungs. His fingertips lightly traced abstract patterns on my back, and I shivered. We both took the time to recover our senses, and as I finally felt like I could perhaps move again, I raised my head to look him in the eye as I told him, "Ten years is a long time to wait, but damn if it wasn't worth it."

His lips twisted upward in a smile as he tucked a lock of hair behind my ear and cupped my face. "Well worth it," he agreed.

And as we settled in to sleep that night, Cullen holding me as close as he had before, I buried my face in his chest and promised myself that I would find a way to get rid of the taint for good. At first, I had set out to find a cure for Alistair's sake, not wanting to watch a close friend succumb and leave his kingdom to find some supposedly glorious death in the Deep Roads. But now ... now I had another reason, a living, breathing reason to keep pushing, keep researching, keep looking. I had about twenty years left, if I was lucky, surely that was plenty of time before the Calling came knocking.

After all, if Morrigan could come up with a way for a Grey Warden to kill an Archdemon and survive, then surely not everything was as set in stone as some would like to believe. And if anyone could shake things up and uncover the truth, it was me. I had waited ten long years to find the happy completion that I finally had, I wasn’t about to let some Calling take it all away from me prematurely. Serving as a Warden was a noble thing, a fulfilling path, but it needn’t be a death sentence.

I would find a way.


End file.
